The local zoo in Schenectady had acquired a new gorilla, a large and healthy female. Within a few weeks, this female gorilla became very nervous, aggressive, and hard to handle.
   
Upon examination, the zoo's veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there were no male gorillas of the appropriate age available to mate with her, and the chimps wouldn't go near her. While reflecting on their problem, the zoo management noticed Alfie, an guy from New Jersey who was responsible for cleaning the animals' cages.

Alfie was known to be pretty crude, yer basic dumbass hell-raiser, but he certainly possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of almost ANY known species. So, the zoo administrators thought they might have an unconventional, but a workable solution that would settle down this female gorilla.

Alfie's manager made him a proposition. Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $500?

Alfie showed some interest, but said he would have to think it over carefully. The following day, Alfie announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions:

"First," he said, "I don't wanta have to kiss her."

"No problem," said the manager.

"Second, you must never tell anyone about this."

"Fine, fine," said the manager. "Our lips are sealed. What's the third condition?"

Says Alfie, "You gotta give me a week to come up with the $500."

---

Click for the 'PermaThread™: List of all joke threads'

---