A man rushes up from one end of a train to the other shouting "Is there a catholic priest on board?".

On the way back he shouts "Is there an Anglican vicar on board?".

On the third pass through the train he is asking for a rabbi when a man holds out a hand, stops the guy and says "I am a Scottish Presbyterian Minister - can I help?".

"Not at all" says the man, "we need a corkscrew".