I've been having a busy few days and nearly missed this one. Fasten your seat belts, it's going to be a bumpy ride!

Along came the 318, the fastest car around,
Driven by Kevin Nicolle, to Southsea he was bound,
Speeding along the old A1, just south of Catterick town
No thought in his mind of trouble as he put that old foot down.

Now Kevin pulled out to overtake, his foot down on the floor,
Straightened up in the middle lane, and eased it up once more,
The pedal stayed right where it was, which just was not correct,
He turned quite pale and said 'Oh heck', or words to that effect!

Now Kevin had a mobile phone, one of the hands-free kind,
He quickly called the old AA, he said 'I'm in a bind,
I'm going south on the old A1, please can you send a van,
They said 'Where's that in relation to our base in Pakistan?'

He tried the brakes, they soon burnt out, his speed rose higher & higher,
He called the cops who said 'OK, now where's the flippin' fire'
He said 'My accelerator's stuck, I think I'm going to die'
They said 'We'll try to catch you, mate, but if we don't Goodbye!'

A roundabout, it loomed ahead, he couldn't make the bend,
He hit the kerb, the car o'erturned, he thought 'This is the end'
Suspended in his seat belt, he could only hang around,
Until Blue Watch cut the car to bits and he was safe and sound.

Now Kevin feels much older than he did a week ago,
Whether he wants to drive again he really doesn't know,
A BMW spokesman said ' The company must be fair,
But this is not a problem of which we are aware!'

Flash Company (aka Brian Quinn)
Acknowledgements to The Carter Family