I hate cats, and have always done so. The (true) story about the cat that pooed on the mouthpiece of my whistle and I didn't notice in time is just a rationalisation. I try to make this clear, no room for misunderstanding, it's better for everyone that way.

So why is it that whenever I sit down in a room with a cat in it, the blighted beast immediately crawls all over me purring, and if I'm not fast enough settles in for the duration? And why don't humans EVER do anything like the same?