MY MONEY NEVER GIVES OUT. Words and Music by Irving Jones, 1900. "Sung With Tremendous Success by Clarice Hance"
1. I am a coon who is a financier. I'm known as the ragtime millionaire. I wake up with a million dollars ev'ry morn', And throw 'way ev'ry dollar that is soiled or torn. If all of my money was stacked up high, I know that my coin would reach the sky. For Vanderbilt or Gould I care nothing about. I've got so much money it never gives out.
CHORUS: My money never gives out. Rich food is making me stout, 'Cause ev'ry meal for quail on toast I shout. I live good all the time. I don't drink no cheap wine. I'm always flush and my money never gives out.
2. When you've got money, it's a pleasant treat. My only occupation is to sleep and eat. I have ev'rything to eat a king could wish. On Fridays, I even eat fried goldfish. I make all the warm coons look ice cold. Ev'ry tooth in my mouth is solid gold. I clean my teeth with pure diamond dust. It wouldn't jar me if all the banks would bust.
3. If a coon slurs me, I hold a grudge. I've got plenty money to pay the judge. Some coons need a sign on food wanted within. While they're drinking plain water, I'm a-drinking Tom-jin. Almost ev'ry hour I change my hat. A poor coon I've hired as my doormat. I step on that coon going through the door, So I won't spoil the velvet carpet on my floor.