To the tune of "Why does it always rain on me":

I won't sleep tonight,
I don't know what it is but I feel like shite,
And I can't close my eyes,
Without seeing a sodding Kraft cheese slice,

Processed cheese, what have they done?,
That bloody Philiadelpha tastes like...
Come into the chorus with me now!

Why is it always Dairylea?,
When in the contract it stipulated Brie,
Why is it always Dairylea?,
I'd got some nice red wine in, I was looking forward to dinin' etc....