Go dig my grave both wide and deep,
Put a marble slab on my head and feet,
Upon my breast place a turtle dove
To show this world I died of love.

Now, let's see, how would the song go if it was a ballad about this...?

In London City I once did dwell,
To pull my pud, I loved full well,
I pulled my pud both night and day,
Until my hand went far astray.

There is a place in yonders town
Where I have done it sitting down,
I've done it standing, and on my knee,
Even though bystanders criticize me.

His father he came home from work,
Said where is (name withheld), he seems to shirk,
He went upstairs, the door he broke,
He found the monkey had been choked.

He took a knife and (bleep)
And on his crotch this note he found,
Oh what a silly boy was I
To die of strangling my old snake-eye.

Go dig my grave both wide and deep,
Tie my hands so I can sleep,
And on my coffin a snow-what dove,
To show this world I died of love.