I'll tell a little story about winning. I think that it is one of the times in my life when I learned the most about myself...and quite a lot about people!

I once took a class in a "free university" on something like 'self knowlege'...can't remember what it was called, but it was sorta like what they used to call an encounter group.

The 'facilitator' would lead a discussion or assign a project for the group to share...once it was "draw a picture of your family" that tells something...and then explain it to the others. Not very enlightening.

But then, one night we played a game. The class was divided into 3 groups, and we sat in those groups on the floor. The teacher/facilitator took a basket of poker chips of 4 colors and went around, giving each person a small handful, not letting anyone else see how many or what color. Then he explained that each chip was worth 'points'...I think 10 for blue, 5 for red, 3 for yellow, and 1 for white. Also, having several of one color (4 or 5) doubled the value of the group)..At his signal, we were to get up and move about the room and find someone to make a deal with...we were to hold hands..(the one without the chips) and were not allowed to let go until we had conducted some sort of trade...2 yellow for one blue...etc...

When everyone had finished, we went back to 'our' group and took score, adding up the total for the group. Well, it seems group 'A' was quite a bit ahead, my group, 'B' was in the middle, and 'C' was far behind. Now, said the teacher, since group C had the least, they could propose a change in the rules....but since A was ahead, they had veto power over the proposed change.....of course, C suggested something like reversing the value for blue & white, or allowing the 'poor' group to annex players from the 'rich' group...and of course, the rich group immediately vetoed this!

So, we went to a 2nd round, with one guy in group A whispering plans to his team on how to get an even bigger share of the booty and generally acting like an executive at Enron!

I looked at all this, and when a girl took my hand and asked what I had to trade, I said "I'd like to give you all my chips!" She looked at me VERY strangely, but said "Sure!!"...and I went and sat down by the wall and watched.

Naturally, at the end of round two, group A had 75% of all the chips, and C was getting nowhere.

Group C was complaining and wanting to have more say in rules changes, but it was obviously not gonna work, so the teacher explained.

"If it was NOT obvious", he said, "I stacked the deck and gave group A a big advantage...and then gave them almost unlimited power to keep and extend that advantage" The one thing he noted that was a bit unusual was that there were 'leftover' chips in the basket at one side, and no one tried to steal them, as he said usually happened when he did this game....He did say that my spotting the rigged, unfair game and quitting was quite unusual, and that most players usually struggled to 'win', whether they were leading or behind...even though there was no particular purpose to winning! The kid who was such a Type A personality was a teensy bit embarrassed, but not really contrite...and I suppose he is an executive somehwere now.

So...does all this seem familar in any way? I'm not sure why I tumbled to it all...nor exactly sure why I refused to play when I saw I couldn't win....but none of the 'rules' said I MUST play...so....

Anyway, I left that class with some appreciation of how people deal with each other, and how arbitrary some value systems are....and 'winning' has never been too important to me since. Making sense and achieving REAL cooperation and sharing when you have to look someone in the eye and make a deal has always seemed like a better goal.

Now YOU can set up some group and pull this on them and see if your results differ......