My parents who are 72 and 67 (Dad/Mom)are ''wired''. A couple of years ago, I was about to repay my Dad some money I'd borrowed, and my mom chirped ''Buy us a computer instead. We want to check out the Internet, and as well backup everything in our lives to hard disk.''

So I got them a really nice Dell system. When it arrived I went over to their place, set it all up, deleted all the pre-packaged garbage most new computers come bundled with, and tweaked and optimized all their settings. They even signed up for a course on using Windows at a local community college. (Why? I don't know.) 8-)

I had even spent several evenings with them, showing them very basic things like how to save a file, how to format a floppy, how to put short-cut icons on their desktop, etc.

Here it is two years later, and all they use this cpu for is to surf the web and e-mail. THAT...they know how to do.

They still don't know how to save files or format a disk..but because I automated their connection to the Internet (by just clicking on an icon on their desktop)they spend a lot of time online each day, and love it. My Mother finally has the hang of Eudora, which is both a blessing and a course, because each day I get emailed two or three of the world's oldest and corniest Jewish jokes.

I went over there last night to install a fax program, on their computer...and when it was all setup, my Dad comes in the room and says ''I don't understand. Where does the fax paper come out? Out of the monitor? Where!!!!? ''

I made a screen saver for them before I left last night that reads:

YOU ARE MEDDLING WITH FORCES YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY COMPREHEND!

(sick bastard that I am)...but God Bless 'em.