Dan's Apprehension.

                      Teun-"The Geuse Fair."

                      Aw'll tell y' a lark aboot a chep,
                      A famous constart man,
                      That once cud bring the hooses doon,--
                      Just noo aw'll call him Dan.
                      It waddint de te tell his nyem,
                      It might amuse a few,
                      But still 'twad de ne gud te them
                      If his real nyem they knew:
                      He used te sing at consarts i'
                      The country roond aboot,
                      A real gud-hearted jolly sowl,
                      O' that thor is ne doot.

                      He got engaged te sing sum sangs,
                      An' keep up his renoon,
                      At a quiet little country place
                      Not ten miles frae the toon;
                      He packt his carpet-bag wi' things
                      Te suit myest ivry age,
                      False whiskers, paint, an' claes an' wigs,
                      He needed for the stage;
                      Then off he set- got landed there,
                      An' pleased the foaks se weel,
                      They waddint let him cum away
                      Till tipsy he shud feel.

                      He sat an' drunk till late at neet,
                      The last train lang had gyen,
                      So Dan myed up his mind te leave
                      An' walk the distance hyem;
                      He flung his bag across his back,
                      An' bid them a' gud neet,
                      Then hurried on as best he cud,
                      An' seun we soot o' seet,--
                      A mile between the hoose an' him
                      He seun had put between,
                      But heere's just where the fun begins,
                      A scene that's seldum seen.

                      Two pollis cumin by that way,
                      Luckt hard an' queer at Dan,
                      Byeth on the watch for sum greet thief,
                      They teuk him for the man;
                      A pair o' bracelets on his wrists,
                      Afore poor Dan cud wink,
                      Wes thrust,-an' then they teuk his bag,
                      He haddint time te think,
                      Before they march'd him tiv a hoose
                      He'd nivor seen before,
                      An' then they threw him iv a cell,
                      An' then they lockt the door.

                      Poor Dan at forst wes stupefied,
                      For drink wes iv his heed,
                      But when he fund oot where he was,
                      His yells wad wake the deed;
                      The polis byeth luckt iv his bag.
                      Wi' wide an' greedy eyes,
                      An' ivrything they fund, they thowt
                      Wes this greet thief's disguise,-
                      They waddint lissen te the words
                      He tried to myek them hear,
                      But thowt o' praise an' greet rewards
                      Next morning they wad share.

                      The morning com-the clerk wes there,
                      The polis tell'd thor case,
                      Then browt Dan oot--wi' oaths he swore
                      He'd myek them tyck his place;
                      For when he tell'd them what he wes,
                      They swore he tell'd a lee,
                      Until he drest an' sung a sang,
                      An' then they knowt it spree;
                      But Dan the spree he cuddin't see
                      Until he myed them pay
                      Expensis-an' they had te did
                      Afore he'd gan away.

                      -Joe Wilson