If it's Paddy's night, some drunken git will ask you to sing 'Floor o' Scootlan''.

If it's St Andrews/Burns, some git will do something that sounds like gargling with lard, but will in fact be 'Floor o' Scootlan''.

If there has been a football or rugby match in the last 6 weeks, some git will suggest a chorus of 'Floor o' Scootlan'', unless they won. That's not happened yet, so I can't possibly comment.....

And if you try to sing 'Floor o' Scootlan' as a straight lament, some git will the rude version - 'Oh floor o' Scootlan' WHUN wull ye SEE yer ARSE again......' etc.

And for catting - if you can answer a query, either:

Some speedy git will post it in the time it takes for you to type it out.

The connection will automatically time out and disconnect (I just know mine has just done exactly that....)

The boss will come in unexpectedly, necessitatng a quick turn off.

LTS