How many ways do you know to tie a tie?

I had to wear a tie to work today and I've always had a mental block about tying them (I HATE WEARING A TIE!!!).

So I had, yet again, to call my Dad to give me a walk-through.

Forget those tie-a-tie.com websites. I can't follow those instructions. I always end up with a tie about 6 inches long and a knot the size of Seabiscuit's scrotum with them.

I think I've got it now, but I know damn well I'll have forgotten the whole process for next time. This always happens.

So...

1. How many versions exist for the Windsor Knot?

2. Why the Flying Philadelphia F__k do we still wear these things?