"...there isn't an equivalent word which can be used as a racial epithet against white kids."

Oh yes there is; Honky and Ofay to offer a couple of examples. It has been argued that until we start identifying the dominant culture as "White" we will never be able to change anything. I'm not sure if I agree that it will change anything but I usually do identify non-coloured folks as "White". I refrain from calling them Ofay bitches and Honky bastards if they can hear me. You don't get away with that kind of behaviour unless you're from the dominant culture.

All name-calling is a bullying tactic and meant to dehumanize.

As to the assault case mentioned above - Yes, its a hate crime. How can you beat someone with a baseball bat while shouting racial slurs without hating them?

As to the niece - I hope you asked her why she feels entitled to a 'slot'.

I see that as the biggest problem with racism in general. That is the idea that white people are somehow entitiled to as much as they want and are able to do what they want. Anyone of colour can have whats left over, should be grateful and had better behave themselves in a way that is acceptable to the dominant White culture.