Thanks Jerry for the offer, I think I will try to take a break from being a human doing to be a human being for awhile. When it rains it pours, eh?

My table looks like Alice's right now and I just can't muster the enthusiasm to physically sort through all the debris that's accumulated there in the past few months, so if I can sit at yours for awhile, it would be a pleasure. Although considering some of the stuff coming down, I did think twice about submitting this message, but guessed that some stuff never gets said if you hold off waiting for exactly the right time.


One thing I did do at my table the other night though, that I also haven't done for awhile, is dance around it, so that's a good start. I danced for almost an hour, full tilt, while my favourite Mr. Dave and Wally Ingram provided the accompaniment . With the dancing, the full realization of what I had just been told by a doctor started to sink in.

The doctor I saw this week was Rheumatologist. After reviewing the file my GP sent to her, my blood work, a further grilling for information and a physical exam, she's fairly certain I have a rare auto immune disorder called palindromic rheumatism. It is thought to be an abortive form of rheumatoid arthritis and in about half of the cases it does eventually become rheumatoid arthritis. Goody! something that finally fits all my symptoms right down to a reoccurring eye infection over the years.

You might think it odd that I'd dance in such a celebratory manner with that knowledge, but given what I'd been told beforehand and getting my life, my heart and my brain around what I had been told, prior to seeing her, as a diagnosis, this doesn't suck.

I was diagnosed with leukemia awhile back. Not your run of the mill leukemia, if there could ever be such a thing, but some really rare kind affecting my T cells, with a very bad prognosis; a type that is usually found in elderly men and doesn't respond well to even the most current treatments with three to seven months max, as the bottom line.

Not being an elderly man or feeling like an elderly woman come to think of it, it did seem an odd diagnosis. Other than a slightly elevated lymphocyte count, which has dropped on occasion....hmm....... I thought the problem with these cells is that they won't go away and die like good TCells should....hmmm.... I also don't have any of the symptoms usually associated with it.....nope.... I'll check again.... no lesions showing up today....hmm.....no extra lumps, aside from my breasts .....hmmmm. A CTscan also determined my spleen and liver, despite their prognostications to the contrary, were in very good nick,...nope, no swollen spleen....dang!...... now that seems a little odd too.

But hey, I was assured that the cancer guys in Vancouver I was sent to are amongst the best in the business, linked to the best in the business in North America. You're in the right pipeline, I was assured. The pipeline guys also assured me, in a rather patronizing manner when I queried them, that, no, my slightly elevated lymphocytes could not possibly be the result of a virus or an autoimmune disorder, good cancer guys can tell a malignant T Cell from one that isn't, how dare you ask! Are you in some sort of denial? And while, they reminded me, we're surprised that you're in such good working order, this aggressive sucker is a matter when, not if.   

Also, they told me, my intermittent joint pain, which was the reason I went to my doctor in the first place, was nothing to do with the leukemia.

I danced after that too, all night, to a friend's reggae band. I needed the sort of zen state that it puts me in and was so thankful they were here from Toronto, at the right time, to remind me, I like my body, especially when its in sync and immersed with the music.

Soooo, here's where I stand for now, trying to ignore the sword of Damocles over my head........ In my mind the probability of having a very rare disease is, well..... very rare, but certainly not impossible. But now, the probability of having two very rare diseases, simultaneously, would seem to be really getting out there.

When the rheumatologist asked if I wanted a second opinion, regarding the leukemia diagnosis, even though that is not the reason I finally managed an appointment with her, it got me thinking. Why not? A cranky old lady with gnarled hands like my old aunty? Seems better than getting ready to kiss my ass goodbye in the short term. Awaiting the return of even more blood tests and yet another visit to my GP to decide, where do we go from here?

Oh yeah, there is more going on in my life right now too, but I think I'll save that for another time. And I think I'd better keep my dancing shoes handy.