As I roved out on a fair May evening
Some burgling for to do,
I did espy a boa constrictor
Coiling around my burglar's shoe.

I leapt from fright, and almost hollered
But for fear of the police
I kicked and shook in the dusty darkness
And the boa gained most of my knee.

I trembled hard, my heart was racing
I was afraid, sir, for to die.
I reached out for some kind of weapon,
The boa, by then, had reached my thigh.

He coiled himself inside my pantleg
I knew that soon I would be dead,
When all at once, the boa startled,
Ran down again, and quickly fled!

What could have saved me from destruction?
And made the boa flight to take?
The poor thing, sure, was overwhelméd
When confronted by my trouser snake.

So all you lassies, pay attention
And learn from this, if you're alone;
The bloke who overwhelms a python,
Is at your call -- pick up the phone!

Oliver "Blighty" Cummerbunder III
Songs of a Naughty Oxonian
Sacred Heart Publications, Oxford, 1923