Yay, Amos--another masterpiece!

OK, I can't stay away from this one. Here's my contribution:

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SURPRISE!

Went out this evenin'
Lookin' for some cash,
Yeah, I went out this evenin'
Checkin' out the neighbor's garden stash.

CHORUS:
I wanted gnomes...
Gnomes, I say...
Gotta free the garden gnomes
Take 'em back to the U.S. of A.

Bounded gazelle-like
Over a fence—
Yeah, I jumped gazelle-like
Over a back fence.
Went to check out that garden shed
W-a-a-y over in a dark corner of the yard.

CHORUS

I was well-prepared for gnome-nappin'
Had bolt cutters and a great big sack.
Opened that shed in a jiffy
And just as quick went jumpin' back.

'Cause I wanted gnomes...
Little men in funny hats...
Hell, I'd have settled for some nice rich mulch
Or even a sturdy garden rake.

But there weren't no gnomes in that shed,
No little men, no mulch, no rake,
Just a slinky, slithery, dry and rustlin'
great big squeezin' snake--

SURPRISE.