Written as a result of a wartime posting, by a Captain Hamish Blair:

THE BLOODY ORKNEYS
This bloody town's a bloody cuss,
No bloody trains, no bloody bus,
And no-one cares for bloody us,
       In bloody Orkney.

The bloody roads are bloody bad,
The bloody folks are bloody mad,
They'd make the brightest bloody sad,
       In bloody Orkney

All bloody clouds and bloody rains,
No bloody kerbs, no bloody drains,
The Council's got no bloody brains,
       In bloody Orkney

Everything's so bloody dear,
A bloody bob for bloody beer,
And is it good? No bloody fear,
       In bloody Orkney

The bloody "flicks" are bloody old,
The bloody seats are bloody cold,
You can't get in for bloody gold,
       In bloody Orkney

The bloody dances make you smile,
The bloody band is bloody vile,
It only cramps your bloody style,
       In bloody Orkney

No bloody sport, no bloody games,
No bloody fun, the bloody dames
Won'y even give their bloody names
       In bloody Orkney

Best bloody place is bloody bed,
With bloody ice on bloody head,
You might as well be bloody dead,
       In bloody Orkney

I hope things have improved since then!

Andrew