THE COPPER'S SONG
(Hamish Imlach)

It was midnight at Twickenham Junction.
The Gestapo were out on the beat,
Looking for arson and murder,
And drunks as they tapped down the street.

Now, two of the chief constable's agents
Were out on duty that night.
They'd been issued with some nice new notebooks
And their pencils were sharpened just right.

It was about 1 AM when they found it:
A sack, that's what it were.
Inside was a bashed about body
With tyre marks scorched down its hair.

Well they went through the usual procedure.
They kicked it to make sure it was dead.
Then they went through its pockets and shared out its cash
And smoked all its fags while it bled.

Then they picked up the body between them,
One at its head and its feet.
Then they carried it down a dark alleyway,
And dumped it on another man's beat.

It was about 3 AM they refound it
Propped up in some chip-shop door.
It was naked by now and a note on its brow
Said: "Not wanted on beats 3 or 4."