This just in: Thousands of dachshunds are planning a "March on Boston" to protest the clandestine attacks on their breed that are emanating from somewhere in the Boston area. As the news spreads, more dachshunds are expecting to join the marchers. It may not be unrealistic to project as many as 3 million dachshunds descending on Boston en masse by July 15th.

"On the Ides of July," says Oscar Meyer Weiner, spokesman for the Mighty Association of Aggrieved Dachshunds (MAAD), "we will enter the environs of Boston en masse, and when we do we'll sniff out this computer geek and see that he is brought to justice. He can run, but he can't hide. We'll shut down the highways and major thoroughfares. We'll take over the parks and recreation areas. We'll pee on the fire hydrants and rob the garbage cans. We'll raise sheer bloody hell day and night without letup until this malefactor has been caught and incarcerated!"

Already groups of MAAD dogs are gathering in communities all across the USA and Canada, and others have promised to fly in from Europe to lend their support to the protest, with more than 50,000 pledges in now from dachshunds in Germany alone! This promises to be an event which no one can ignore.