Dorothy Parker, upon the death of her husband, was asked by some poor woman, "Is there anything I can get you?" She replied, "Another man." The woman was appalled (she must not have known Dorothy Parker) and showed her displeasure to which Parker responded, "OK then, get me a ham sandwich."

Geeziz, I would have given anything to have been a fly on the wall at the Algonquinn Round Table. Those people had sarcastic wit down to a science. Woolcott, Parker, and of course, the quickest wit that may ever have lived, George Kaufman.

He was at a dinner party with another boring and chatty female guest. When she paused (briefly) in her ramblings, Kaufman asked, "Madam, do you have any UN-expressed thoughts?" Even as a child he had it. Someone he disliked, a relative I believe, was coming for a visit and his mother said (as all parents do), "It wouldn't hurt to be nice to her." George responded, "Well, that would depend upon your threshold of pain."

Spaw