Maybe that "Women Who Love to Much" book would be good, "just me", at least in helping you understand the patterns, and helping to identify the issues. Another useful book is I Hate You--Don't Leave Me, reviewed here

Maybe your partner has a touch of BPD , which some people think is an extreme form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Where are your friends and family in all this? Has he or she taken over your life to the exclusion of other close friends? do you need a support group - if you google "support group", your gender, and your location, you may get one that is close by. There are also support websites like the one I've linked to.