The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #59418   Message #1765223
Posted By: Rapparee
20-Jun-06 - 11:34 PM
Thread Name: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
I have a confession to make. I've been doing something I haven't done in years. I've been doing someting I find perverse, something that can rot your mind and soul.

I've been watching television. As much as a couple of hours a day! Sure, it's mostly the History Channel or History International or the Science Channel or similar things, but it's still television. And there are commercials, which I mute.

But I've learned things. Not so much from the programs, but from the commercials.

I've learned that the child who sits on the lap of the guy in the ionic breeze commercial must be either a fake or drugged. The kid just sits there, sort of looking at the camera, while the adult drones on.

And I've learned that women only like men with full, rich, heads of hair and that men who achieve this by using certain patent medicines are going to reproduce and men without such hair will never get a chance to mate. Even if you're Isaac Newton, Stephen Hawking, and Albert Einstein all rolled into one you'll never pass on your genes if you have thinning hair.

And I've learned that you can drive a car or truck to the top of Devil's Tower or someplace that looks a lot like it. I mean, you see somebody driving through mud and swamps and then the vehicle is on top of some high peak so somebody had to drive it there, even though the sides are at least 90 degrees to the ground far below.

I've learned how important it is to advertise your programs on your own channel. Now, I'd think that you'd want to attract viewers so you'd advertise on some other channel, but I guess I'm wrong.

And medicines. There are medicines that can do everything and probably bring you back from the dead as well. Your erectile dysfunction, heart disease, high chlorestrol, post-menopausal ostoeporosis, bad breath, acid reflux, and back pain will all be cured by one pill (which has rare side effect such as thinning hair, projectile diarrhea, irrepressible vomiting, hallucinations, sexual dysfunction, priapism, heart attacks, death, and flatulence). See your doctor or health professional, available by prescription only, call for a coupon good for your first month's supply.

Boy oh boy, I sure have learned a lot from television. For one thing, I've learned that Newton Baker was right -- it's still a vast wasteland.