Shane old top, male pattern baldness is inherited. If Don is getting bald, you're going to get bald too. Probably all at once. Whoomp, all your hair falls out. From all over your body, including that greasy hair on your back. Suddenly you'll be a hairless ape. You'll look like a eunuch (that's a guy whose...equipment...has been cut off). This will probably happen just as you are introduced to Shania Twain. That's the way it happens with younger brothers, this male pattern baldness. In younger brothers it's called "The Eunuch Syndrome" by the doctors and there's no way to avoid it. It can happen anytime, too. You could be tokin' up with your buds and WHOOMP! Or poppin' open a nice cold one, maybe your sixteenth, ya know, and WHOOMP! Even drivin' down the road or sittin' on the can.

And there ain't no cure. Even the stuff on those late-night TV commercials won't work; sometimes they even make it worse 'cause they dye your skin sort of a splotchy greeny-yellowy color.

All you can do is sit in a dark room and remember how it used to be, with chicks swarming all over you while you toke and drink. Finally you'll die, a slick-skin Canadian hairless, and then everyone will say, "It's a wonder what undertakers can do with wigs and fake fur these days."

Don't worry about it though. From WHOOMP! to death is a long time, sometimes ten or twelve weeks.

Stay cool, man.