Unfortunately, this year, this holiday has no meaning for me... at least no good meaning. As Son House said, "Blues is about one thing, LOVE between two people. Everything else is monkey junk." That pretty much sums up my thoughts on this day... this year. All I remember about Love now is the pain it causes.

I remember something else. Like a lost vision, a feeling that we nearly forget like the anticipation of Christmas Eve and surprise on Christmas Morning when we still believed in Santa Clause. Remember that? Can we ever feel that again now that we know? One of them things that only exists in our memories, only to be felt in retrospect. We can only watch it on our mental VCR, but its never as good because we know the ending.

I WANT IT BACK! I am dissatisfied with the memory of Love, the ending was a letdown, and I want to write a new one. But it just seems that I cannot remember the feeling well enough, or at least positively enough, to recreate it, or find it. I just hope that now that I have seen one version from beginning to end that it does not ruin it for me. The sequel is never as good as the original.

We know the risks of sky diving. When one does it, they know that they may plunge to their death in a horrible accident. Yet they still do it. Unlike Love, however, you can't learn this lesson the hard way. If it doesn't work out right ONCE, you don't get to try again. You're done.

I am not bitter. I am not afraid. I am not unwilling to try again. I am not ready.

I want to be surprised. Once again, I want to be restless in anticipation of unwrapping a new present (and I'm not talking about Christmas). I want to meet someone that makes me clumsy and nervous. I want to unwrap a person's personality, history, and life in one of them all night conversations that always prefix a relationship. I want to not be able to wait to hear the next tidbit about her. I want to be absolutely floored by the simple gift of a first kiss. A kiss that makes a prediction, a kiss that pens a story of how hard we'll try, a kiss that lets me once again feel that Love is not only Blue, but every color in the rainbow and a couple that I've never seen before.

Is that too much to ask?