I'd hoped to fing a mention of Bernard Wrigley and Sooz finally did it. The Bolton Bullfrog sang "Plastic Pies" (mentioned in two threads if you enter that in the search box) but Chris Seymourt gave only the words to the chorus. One verse describes a drunk who found a small tortoise and, thinking it a pie, ate it. He went to the pie seller and compliments him but asks if he can have another with a less crunchy crust. The same story has been told as a joke for many years but I don't know which came first.