Well, I wrote this a while ago - each verse is based on a food joke I found on the net - the chorus came to me in a hotel room when I was away from home on business. The tune is sort of music hall style.

(Chorus)
Oh, it's nice to go out for an evening
Of fine food and good company,
For laughter and chat, about this thing or that,
And music, and hilarity.
And we all like to praise Mr Bottle,
With the napkin tucked under his chin,
But I'd rather stay home, singing "No more to roam"
To the tune of an old violin.

Well, a man sauntered into a restaurant,
Where he ordered the best food and wine.
And when he had fed, to the waiter he said,
"Last year, when I came here to dine,
My luck it was down, and my wallet thin,
You threw me out in the cold and the rain!"
The waiter said "Sorry."; the man said "Don't worry,
You can just throw me out once again."
(Chorus)

One night I arose from my table,
As the room was beginning to sway
I put on my coat, and prepared to go out,
When this old fellow stood in my way.
He said "Are you Dr Fernackerpan,
That eminent medic of note?"
Then when I shook my head, the old fellow said,
"Well, I am him, and that is my coat!"
(Chorus)

We lived all alone by the railway yard,
My poor old daddy and me,
I was seven years old when first I was told
We had somebody coming to tea.
My Dad took a cake, then he passed it on,
To this lady in a flowery hat.
I said, "Dad, don't bother to look for another,
Cakes don't come any bigger than that!"

(Chorus)
Oh, it's nice to go out for an evening
Of fine food and good company,
For laughter and chat, about this thing or that,
And music, and hilarity.
And we all like to praise Mr Bottle,
With the napkin tucked under his chin,
But I'd rather stay home, singing "No more to roam"
To the tune of an old violin.