The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #93092 Message #1788748
Posted By: GUEST
20-Jul-06 - 08:52 PM
Thread Name: ADD: Tie My Pecker to My Leg
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
Overkill time. Versions A & B are from "The Whorehouse Bells Were Ringing" by Guy Logsdon. 1995 University of Illinois Press. Versions C-G are from "The Erotic Muse" by Ed Cray, 1992, University of Illinois Press.
Oh, there was a little girl and she lived with her mother,
And never on this earth was there such another.
CHORUS: Come-a ti yi yupi yupi ti yi ya,
Come-a ti yi yupi, yupi ya.
She had scales on her cock, like a damned old sucker,
And her tits hung down like two tin buckets.
There was a little man, and his name was Jimmie Tucker,
And he swore, by God, that he's a-gonna fuck 'er.
He got her in the shithouse up against the wall,
And the first damned job, he stuck in balls and all.
He took her in the kitchen and thought he'd get some more,
And the damned bitch farted, blowed a hole through the floor.
[Text B, Gordon Manuscript (3781), Montana]
Looking for a job, and I went broke flat.
Got a job riding on the Double O Flat
Signs pinned up on the bunkhouse door,
"Punchers allowed at a quarter after four."
"Round up and saddle up some old pitching hoss,
If you can't ride him, you're fired by the boss."
As I come a-riding 'cross the Double O range
I was thinking of my sweetheart that I left on the ranch.
I rode out with the old man's daughter,
Guess I said a few words what I hadn't oughter.
I told her that I'd love her like I loved my life,
I asked her how she'd like to a cowpuncher's wife.
'Said she'd like it fine, but I better see her dad,
For he got the dough, and it might make him mad.
I went to the old man, as all lovers oughter,
I says, "Old Man, I'm in love with your daughter."
He grins and he points to the Double O roan,
That's piled every puncher that ever rode alone.
Says, "If you can ride that hoss, and not pull leather,
You and my daughter can throw your things together."
Went to the hoss, and slammed on my saddle,
Best damn rider that ever punched cattle.
All the punchers yelled, as all punchers oughter,
For they knew I was riding for the Old Man's daughter.
Jumped in the saddle and gave a little yell,
What's going to happen is damned hard to tell.
Spurred him on the shoulder, and hit him with my quirt,
Gave four jumps, and rolled me in the dirt.
Went to the Old Man to have a little chat,
Hit him in the face with my old felt hat.
Went to the girl, and offered her a quarter,
Says she, "Go to Hell! I'm a cow-puncher's daughter!"
Offered her a dollar, and she took it in her hand,
Punched me in the belly, says, "Well, I'll be damned!"
Threw my arms around her and laid her on the grass,
To show her the wiggle of a cowpuncher's [ass].
"The hair on her belly was a strawberry brown,
The crabs on her m[ound] were jumping up and down.
Took my old jockey to the watering trough,
Washed him and I scrubbed him till his head fell off.
In about nine days, when I looked for to see,
Cancers on my p[ecker] were big as a pea.
She found it out, and called me a kid,
Told me to remember her, and by God, I did!
Wrote her a letter, don't think I lied,
Said, "I'm leaving Texas fast as I can ride.
Know a little Injun, damn' pretty squaw,
Guess I'll go and see her, fore I leave for Arkansas.
Going to leave Texas, going to head for home,
All on account of the Double O roan.
Sheep man a-stealing of the Double O grass,
Boss says, "Shoot him, but not in the [ass]."
So we pulled out our guns and we got him on the fly,
Crawled in the weeds, and I guess he's going to die.
Chased a bunch of hosses through the G[od] d[amn] sheep,
The scatterment they made, made the sheep men weep.
Camped over night at the A bar B's,
Got so damn' cold, I thought I would freeze.
Raining hard and muddy as Hell,
Trailing through the gumbo sure is Hell!
Hit Belle Fourche, and went on a spree,
Sheriff come a running, and he picked on me.
Locked me up in his lousy old jail.
Boss said he'd be damned if he went my bail.
Just because I worked for him wa'n't no sign
That a cowpoke's boss had got to pay his fine.
Met a girl and thought I'd seen her before,
Tried her, and I found she was a G[od] d[amn] whore.
Went to make a date as a cowpuncher oughter,
Found out the girl was that damn sheriffs daughter.
Sheriff on my trail, left town on the run,
If he catches up, have to use my gun.
Left Belle Fourche, and left her on the lope,
To keep my neck from wearing out a scratchy old rope.
Going to leave Montana, and marry my squaw,
Going to settle down in Arkansas.
Now gather 'round, boys, and listen to my tale,
And I'll tell you my troubles on the old Chisholm Trail.
CHORUS: Singing, ki-yi-yippy, yippy-yay, yippy-yay,
Singing, ki-yi-yippy, yippy-yay.
ALTERNATE CHORUS: Gonna tie my pecker to my leg, to my leg,
Gonna tie my pecker to my leg.
My name's Bill Taylor and my love's a squaw,
Livin' on the banks of the muddy Washita.
I come from Texas with the longhorn cattle
On a ten-dollar horse and a forty-dollar saddle.
Sittin' in the saddle with my hand on my dong,
Shootin' jism on the cows as we go along.
We left Texas on October twenty-third,
And traveled up the trail with the 2-D herd.
We didn't reach town till winter, Eighty-two.
My ass was draggin' and my pecker was too.
I went huntin' tail from a parlor house whore,
But I didn't have enough, so they kicked me out the door.
With my ass in the saddle and my pecker all sore,
I spied a little lady in the whorehouse door.
I asked for tail and I gave her a quarter,
And she says, "Young man, I'm a minister's daughter."
I took out a dollar and I put it in her hand,
And she says, "Young man, will your long pecker stand?"
I grabbed right hold and I throwed her on the grass.
My toehold slipped and I rammed it in her ass.
I fucked her standin' and I fucked her lyin';
If she'd a-had wings, I'd a-fucked her flyin'.
Five days later, my prick turned blue.
I ran to the doctor and he didn't know what to do.
So I went to another and he said, "Cough."
I coughed so hard my balls dropped off.
I went to another 'cause my pecker was sore;
"By God," said the doctor, "It's that same damn whore:"
So I sold my horse and I sold my saddle,
And I bid goodbye to the longhorn cattle.
The last time I seen her and I ain't seen her since,
She was scratchin' her cunt on a barbed wire fence.
The first time I saw her she was floating down a stream
With a belly full of clabber and a cunt full of cream.
CHORUS: Come-a-ki-yi-yippy, yippy-yay, yippy-yay,
Then the next time I saw her she was pulling off a hound,
And the jaws of her twat were a-drippin' on the ground.
Her tits hung down like a pair of wooden buckets,
And her cunt stunk so that a dog wouldn't fuck it.
The next time I saw her she was pulling off her brother.
The crabs on her ass were a-fuckin' one another.
She ripped and she roared, and she shit on the floor,
And she wiped her ass on the knob of the door.
Then the next time I saw her she was lyin' in her bed,
With a carrot in her cunt, and damn near dead.
Her cunt was so big that no man could screw it,
But an elephant saw it and went right to it.
And the next time I saw her she was lyin' on the floor,
And the breeze from her ass blew the cat out the door.
Oh, the moon shown down on the nipple of her tits,
And she washed her teeth in bluebird shit.
So I grabbed her by the neck and threw her on the grass.
Then I stretched her cunt from her navel to her ass.
The neighbors all thought that she couldn't take a fuck.
So she took on a horse and after that he couldn't buck.
The next time I saw her she was standin' in the door,
And the hair from her cunt hung down to the floor.
So I grabbed her by the waist and threw her on the floor,
But the wind from her ass blew me out the door.
Then I went downstairs to get some cider,
And there I saw a bedbug a jackin' off a spider.
When I came back, she was sittin' in the stream,
From her ass were blowin' bubbles, from her cunt was flowing cream.
The sun shown down on the end of her tits.
She knew she was a whore, but she didn't give a shit.
Well, the last time I saw her, and I haven't seen her since,
She was jackin' off a nigger through a barbed wire fence.
CHORUS: I'm going to tie my pecker to my leg, to my leg.
Going to tie my pecker to my leg.
Reached in my pocket for a dime.
She said, "Young man, you're wasting your time-"
Reached in my pocket, pulled out a quarter,
She said, "Young man, I'm a rich man's daughter."
Reached in my pocket and pulled out six bits,
All she did was flip her tits.
Reached in my pocket, pulled out a buck,
She said, "Young man, you've bought a fuck."
Last time I saw her, haven't seen her since,
She was jacking off a Negro through a barb-wire fence.
When I was young and just a pup,
Fifty-two women did I fuck.
Forty-nine of them I knocked up.
If that's "not fuckin', I'll give up.
CHORUS: Coma [sic] tie my pecker to my leg, to my leg.
Coma tie my pecker to my leg.
Jumped in the saddle arid the saddle wasn't there,
And I rammed nine inches up the old gray mare.
Jumped off the horse and knocked on the door,
She said, "Come on in, I'm an old Injun whore."
Oh, I fucked her sittin' and I fucked her lyin'.
If I had wings, I'd fuck her flyin'.
Oh the last time I seed her and I ain't seed her since,
She was jackin' off a nigger through a bob-wire fence.
CHORUS: Tie my pecker to my leg.
Tie my pecker to my leg.
The last time I seen her and I haven't seen her since,
She was jackin' off a nigger through a barbed wire fence.
The last time I seen her she was sittin' on the stern.
She was holdin' his'n and he was holdin' her'n.
And now you can see I'm a peckerless man.
I fuck 'em with my finger and fool 'em when I can.