Posting here as an offshoot from the "Tie My Pecker To My Leg" thread. A few posts dealt with the immortal stanza reported in Randolph, Blow the Candles Out, completed with help from posters:

Ass hole, ass hole, a soldier I would be,   
To piss, to piss, two pistols at my knee,   
Fuck you, fuck you, for curiosity,   
To fight for the cunt, to fight for the cunt, to fight for the cunt-er-y.

It was noted that a British variant has

To fight for the Queen's cunt, fight for the Queen's cunt, fight for the Queen's country.

The stanza as it is could not be more perfect. Nevertheless my lady and I thought it would be nice if the song went on longer. So we stayed up late batting our brains over possible further verses. The following are our more or less lame results, put together with the original verse.

- - - Bob Coltman

A SOLDIER I WOULD BE
Verse 1 traditional. Remaining verses c 2006 Bob Coltman

Ass hole, ass hole, a soldier I would be,   
To piss, to piss, two pistols at my knee,   
Fuck you, fuck you, for curiosity,   
To fight for the cunt, to fight for the cunt, to fight for the cunt-er-y.

A cock, a cock, a cockade cap I'll wear,
A boob, a boob, a booby prize I'll bear,
My come, my come, my cummerbund I'll tear,
Jabbed by the prick, jabbed by the prick, jabbed by the prickly pear.

My pee, my pee, my peevish face I'll show,
A whore, a whore, a horrid fit I'll throw,
My ass, my ass, my asthma all aglow,
Gobbling piss, gobbling piss, gobb'ling pistachio.

A dick, a dick, a dictator I'll be,
Jack off, jack off, jack of all trades, that's me,
That shit, that shit, that's itching horribly,
Bit by the bum, bit by the bum, bit by the bumblebee.

Ass hole, ass hole, a soldier all my days,
With balls, with balls, with balsam fir sachets,
My fart, my fart, my far trail I will blaze,
And beat off the meat, beat off the meat, beat off the meter maids.

Bugle call coda

No one better harm me, while I am in the army,   
A cannon would alarm me, So pass me the parasol.   

I   can't get it up, I can't get it up, I can't get it up this morn – ing,
I can't get it up, I can't get it up, I can't get it up at all.

---- Ad lib until tired ----