Understand there have been problems with the transport. The bus has broken down and is not repairable so the onus for providing transport has fallen on the yokels...sorry locals. Peter Piper who grows and picks pecks of pickled pepper will be bringing his herd of Llamas to which he will fit temporary saddles. Donkeys from Hee Hore Grange Donkey Sanctuary have some old donkeys which are still capable of carrying guests. Farmer Ara bull(a man outstanding in his field) has a tractor and trailor but says he will have to charge at least £5 per person for the 1 mile trip as diesel fuel has risen in price. To avail yourself of the transport, please wait on the bus stops in the normal manner.
There has been a recent reported sighting of a black panther on the outskirts of Blitherscrum and it is suggested that you bring a stick with a horses head handle to poke it if it comes near you.
You may notice that The Old Barn at Avon on calling will have had a coat of paint just before your arrival at the event. The sign 'WET PAINT' is a warning not an instruction to the gentlemen who come. This brings me to a serious complaint that was made last year about a beautifully voluptuous female on the campsite who was apparently taking her clothes off outside the tent. To the women who complained:- you will get nowhere with your complaints, much like last year, as the men do not find this kind of behaviour offensive...and if you have trouble keeping your husband/partner on a leash, that's your problem not ours. It is however requested that the men who accompanied the taking off of her clothes, with kazoo music, should desist this year as it disturbs the children who are trying to sleep.
Women shouting at husbands/partners also has that effect.