Ol' Bob, who tried the welding bit, went to high school with me. His welding ranking right up there with the guy from the old 'hood who built a pipe bomb (for the Fourth of July), realized that he had capped it without leaving a hole for the fuse, and took an electric drill to one of the nipple ends while it was still screwed on. He never was the loudest firecracker in the string until then.

And both of these stories are true, and both helped to rid the world of the gene for stupidity.