OK then!

Let's review, shall we?

Here is the day's Top Ten list of What We Learned about The Mel Scandal:

1.) What seemed inevitable was,and Mad Malibu Mel chose the time-honored method of waiting out a public relations scandal: sweating it out in an undisclosed celebrity rehab spa.

A few weeks hence, we can expect Gibson to reemerge from his celebrity time-out a refreshed and more outwardly tolerant star. Then this unpleasant driving-while-under-the-influence-of-anti-Semitic-devil-water business will seem like nothing more than a bad memory implanted in his brain by the fucking Jews who run Hollywood.

2.) Mad Malibu Mel releases a sequel to his Saturday mea culpa. Not long after his Holocaust mini-series is cancelled by ABC. He personally mentions the fucking Jews, but because neither of these early mea culpa PR attempts have explicity addressed the sugar-titted community, with whom Gibson is also eager to make personal amends, we expect a third draft from his publicist shortly.

3.) No Jewish Hollywood studio executives will take anyone's calls. It is presumed they are too busy planning their next blockbuster of a world war/global terrorist campaign (depending on whether they can get Harrison Ford or Nick Cage to play God).

4.) Hollywood continues buzzing with rumor, innuendo, outuendo, etc. Some say the only viable solution for Mel to salvage his career now, would be to make amends with the fucking Jewish community by performing in a six-month run as the lead in Fiddler on the Roof.

Others note that Mel's request to have "a one on one discussion" with "leaders in the Jewish community" may actually be grammatically impossible.

5.) No one in the entire world, including Catholic traditionalists, understands Mel & his daddy's particular brand of Voodoo Catholicism. But they loved the film, and are hoping for sequel where Mel buddies up with one of those monstrously well hung black boys, Dave Chapelle or Chris Rock, playing the Holy Ghost.

6.) The Sugar Tits Twins Mel was partying with just prior to his DUI, have been quoted as saying they think the fucking Jews will be inclined to forgive anyone who "owns Malibu". But they aren't really sure. Mel was really nice though. TOTALLY down to earth. But pretty drunk.

However, not only did the Sugar Tits Twins express their surprise and dismay over Mel's bit of DUI trouble (because he TOTALLY wasn't like that at all when he was partying with them!)But they also were quite surprised at the amount of money they fetched for the photos of him with them, which allowed them to keep partyin' like it's 1999 for an extra two days at the beach.

7.) We also learned it's remarkable how much one idiot's opinions get turned into the ENTERTAINMENT STORY OF THE YEAR, THIS IS A SERIOUS PROBLEM, WE SHOULD HAVE MEETINGS AND RELEASE STATEMENTS AND JUST GENERALLY BE REALLY CONCERNED when those opinions insult said industry's perceived-or-true ethnic majority.

Of course, insulting women, blacks, gays, Asians, Hispanics, handicapped folks, Republicans, people with mental illnesses, Midwesterners, obese or ugly people--that's still all totally cool. They don't run entertainment agencies or Hollywood studios, so you're fine.

8.) Rumors are flying as to who will land the first gig on the Mad Mel Mea Culpa Talk Show Tour, expected sometime in early October. But it is certain that Babs won't be doing any pre-Oscar interviews with The Mel anytime in the next century. Speculation is running as high as the bidding war between Oprah, Diane Sawyer, and Larry King.

9.) Speculation is also running rampant (Vegas bookies may vary) as to whether or not The Mel and that Other Babs will do "Celebrity Death Match" for their favorite charities.

And last but not least on our Top Ten List of What We Learned Today about The Mel Scandal:

10.) The LA Times printed an article on the silence of the Fucking Jews Hollywood Cabal (tm held by Mel Gibson), which included this delightful paragraph:

"Hollywood was largely founded by and the studios are still chiefly run by Jewish executives such as Pascal. Still, dozens of Jewish executives, producers and agents contacted Monday would not go beyond expressing their outrage in private. In typical Hollywood fashion, they refrained from publicly criticizing -- and potentially alienating -- a powerful star and director who could make them a lot of money."

So it's all about the money with those fucking Jews! Thanks, L.A. Times! At least Mel has to get liquored up before he says stuff like this, but you get to print it in the business section of your very high profile paper when your editors are, presumably, stone cold sober!

Yee ha! Can't wait for what the morrow shall bring!