"I'm just turning the pages now, and every one is a good one."

I spoke with my Mother today. Since we came back from our visit to Wisconsin for her 99th brithday, she's been steadily losing ground. Thinking back to our visit, I am even more grateful that she was able to muster what little remaining strength she has so that she could really enjoy our visit. My Mother and Father loved to go for rides in the country. When we got out there in early June, it had been more than half a year since she'd been able to go for a ride.
My sisters don't have the strength to load her wheelchair and the oxygen tank into and out of the trunk of the car, and neither do any of her friends. But I do, and that was one of the first things that she wanted to do. We took her for a ride out into the country on the old country roads that my Mother and Father raveled on for countless times in their life together. It was a beautiful day and we all enjoyed it immensely. My Mother hadn't been out of the retirement complex in almost a year, but we took her out to dinner with my sisters, her closest friend and a minister and his wife who've been dear friends for many years. She also managed to summon the strength to have two birthday parties, and I did a concert for the residents of Assisted Living which mean a lot to her and my sisters. At the time I think that we were all aware that each instance might be the "last time."

Since we've been back, Mom has slowly been failing and she has a Hospice nurse checking in on her regularly. Her oxygen level is very low, so she is on oxygen most of the time. (That doesn't stop her from going to Vespers in the chapel there, playing Bingo, or getting her hair done. But now, that's about all that she can do. She has Adult Macular Degeneration severely enough that she can no longer read, and television is a blurry image. So she sleeps a lot. She needs help to get dressed and get into her chair, and the only real break from the monotony is mealtime, vespers on Sunday and her hair dresser appointment on Friday. She knows that she is winding down now, and isn't likely to see Christmas again.

When I talked with her this morning, she was very animated because her wonderful friend (who is in her 80's) was due any moment to take her to the hair dressers. When I asked Mom how she was doing, she said that nothing has changed. She is very weak and sleeps most of the time. And then she said something very beautiful:

I'm just turning the pages now, and every one is a good one."

That's my Mom.

I told her that the coming days and weeks would be good ones because no matter what comes, it will be good. She is looking forward to being reunited with her Mother who died when my Mother was 12 or 13 years old. I recited the lines to a song the Gospel Messengers sing, and it says it all:

"Have I given anything, today?
Have I helped some needy soul on my way?
Just to know I've done my best
When I come to take my rest
And my name be written there, today"

That's all there is..

And as we turn the pages together, each one will be a good one.

Jerry, blessed