Don't forget to put cotton in the dog's ears. The Patriot Act doesn't extend to wonton torture of animals.

The violin appears to have been invented by the same warped soul who dreamed up golf. Nothing about it is designed for ease of playing. The posture is best suited to someone twisted by multiple sclerosis, and the bow is as amenable to control as a mule with paranoid delusions. You need the skill of a brain surgeon - plus a good dose of luck - to exact proper intonation, and as soon as your fingers find the golden spot, the damn thing slips off your shoulder. It is no wonder violinists tend to fits of temperament; it IS a wonder more violins don't end up as kindling. They must put something narcotic in the resin.