So Jerry, you're a songwriter too! I should have guessed. Congratulations on your success!

That is beautiful, what you are doing writing letters to your mother - a perfect way to use your writing gift. Not only is it something you can do for her, but it is a good thing for you too. It will help as you let go slowly, not that it will be easy, but you do have the opportunity to say goodbye.

It wasn't that way when my mother died 14 years ago. Our relationship had always been problematic, and I did try to improve that, many times. I had often tried to talk to her and write her letters that she misunderstood or ignored, but she was a very difficult person to get along with. I wasn't the only one to have problems with her. In the end she died suddenly of a heart attack and I didn't reach the hospital in time. Two days later I found she had cut me out of her will - no opportunity to ask why, no opportunity to say goodbye - just anger and resentment.

That was when I decided that until I dealt with all the feelings and the issues around my mother, I wouldn't be able to move on with my life. The right people and groups seemed to appear just at the right time to take me through that and out the other side, and I am okay now. But it did time and a lot of hard work.

Actually, when I think about it, there have been times when I have found writing very therapeutic. When I was 15 I started writing a diary, where I poured out my feelings. I felt very isolated at that stage, and the diary was my friend, helping me to get through lonely times and make sense of a lot of things. I haven't done it for a long time - haven't felt the need - but I guess if the need arises some time, I might do it again - as you said, "use as needed". The nearest I come to that these days is writing posts on Mudcat. That can be therapeutic too!

A few weeds got pulled this afternoon, but there are a lot more waiting for me tomorrow, so right now I'd better go and have some therapeutic sleep!

Jenny