Pinocchio goes to visit Gepetto. "I've got a problem," he says. "My girlfriend has been complaining that whenever we make love, she gets splinters."

Gepetto answers, "That's my fault. I must have neglected that part of your anatomy. But the solution is simple. Just take this piece of sandpaper and sand yourself down until you're nice and smooth, then try it again."

A week later, Gepetto runs into Pinocchio on the street. "Hey, Pinocchio," he says, "how's your girlfriend?"

"Girlfriend?" says Pinocchio. "Who needs a girlfriend?"