Music has saved me several times. I truly believe that it is through music that I understand so many other things. Faith, love, hope, charity, and other sicky sweet sentiments; and hate, fear, loss, and the deadly sins. Music opens the mind.

I make my living in music but didn't always. In fact, I put off the inevitable for years, acting in the belief that I wasn't ready, capable, worthy, or willing. Only after a period of unemployment, mental fatigue, and economic insecurity was I able to throw caution to the wind and do what I knew in my heart of hearts was the right thing...and should have done 20 years earlier!

I did feel for a while that "falling back on music" was a bit like taking the slacker's way out, but have come to understand that I had it reversed...I had never actually played my trump card, exploited my strengths, used my base abilities to help myself and my family. It was as if I had denied my childhood training as it wasn't an adult accomplishment. Dismissive and stupid, huh!

But music didn't seem to have a purpose for me that wasn't selfish, regardless of my volunteer work playing for the elderly, charity gigs and so forth. But not everything is fully revealed in this life. However, having lost some family members (I've written about some of them on the Mudcat) and consoling myself and others with music (music was a huge part of the memorial services held for family) it is music which calms and focuses my mind and heart.

Why do I play? In having an answer I found an answer wasn't needed. I was playing fingerstyle guitar hymns for my mother the moment she died. She loved hymn tunes, and loved that I was able to play them for her. It was pretty much the day she died that I realized that what I do doesn't have to be explained before the fact, and that the reason won't even necessarily be clear in this life. I am comforted to know that one reason I play was to be comfort to another, so I no longer feel selfish about what I do.

But never mind all that.

No excuses or explanation, my eyes are blue, and music drives me. Some things cannot be changed. But blue eyes won't comfort me the way music does. It is both within and without me, within and beyond my control. I play, therefore I am.

So then, music is my nature, maybe not brilliant, but purposeful.

The recent thread about Holst got me reacquainted with The Planets, and then on to Thomas Tallis, a brief flirt with Rampal, then Jethro Tull, some Peter Finger, inturrupted by the "job". A long time student shows up for his first lesson of the season with a new Godin guitar and Trayner tube amp, but surprised me not by finally mastering some Zeppelin solo but by doing a good take on "Kemp's", fingerstyle and sounding a bit like Bruce Cockburn. Not that long ago he couldn't quite get that C chord. Little does he know he's made my day, better than I can make it myself.

Peace, Mooh.