I was sitting at the kitchen table and thought about how Norman Corwin might write about some thoughts I was having...

this was the result:


I love my country to the stars and back.
I was only six but what I knew made me love America to the bursting point.
What did I know? I knew fishing in the Ozarks, I knew my parents driving across our great country, I knew we won a war against monsters, I knew great movies like the 50 ft. woman, I knew singing this land is my land and we loved our land. I looked at the moon and Saturn through my uncle's telescope. The most exciting thing we watched was Sputnik. We felt proud that man made his first star in the heavens but some people seemed worried

When I was seven I heard fearful whispers about the unamericans and the Russians who might blow us up in a surprise atomic attack.
When I was seven I remember my parents argue if I should see the Nazi films of the Holocaust on TV.   I learned 40 years later the film had been edited by Alfred Hitchcock. I saw the skinny bodies bulldozed, I saw the naked ladies hiding themselves as they were rushed to a crater's edge.

I was nearly eight while learning old union songs, Al Jolson tunes and the mountainous deep canyon voice of Paul Robeson singing "You know who I am… America", and I loved my country. The whispers faded and in their place clear voices told me what our country did to some great men and women. My country was hurting people in this country I love so much. Eight year olds know all about things not being fair.
Things weren't fair for my river. It changed colors daily depending on what color they were dyeing shoes at Endicott Johnson shoe factory.

At eight I listened to the Civil War on 33 rpm records. The Sergeant yelled FIRE and the boom shook my bones over and over again. Lincoln said to me "A house divided against itself can not stand." Then on the other side he read the Gettysburg address to me. In class the practice for atomic attack was as much fun as it was scary. Then the last Civil war veteran died right before I turned 9. I love my country and those who sacrificed for America.

At nine I had my first big bike and I was feeling America inside and out. I wasn't just listening anymore I was talking about world peace while other kids said their dad trusts the brass. My dad told me about the working man and imperialism. I pretended to know what imperialism was but I love my country.

At ten eleven and twelve the forest, creeks and rivers were my paradise. Warren Fries showed me what was inside his grocery bag. It was a giant snowy white owl that he shot dead. I was so angry that the owl and its family were gone from our woods that I grabbed the owl from Warren then changed my mind and swore never to play together again. He was the first friend I saw cry when he understood exactly how mortal he was.

The Cuban Missile crises meant there could be a big bomb war any minute. I took a walk and heard TV's blaring the Beverly Hillbilly's. Somehow the war went away.
In math class we suddenly learned JFK was dead. We were all scared and sad but only a few wept out loud. Only the teacher Mr. Craft was grinning and pointed out how there is no hope when shot in the head. We were sad but we loved our country.

The world really started pushing back against words about peace and the waste of war. I was beaten half a dozen times in school. Twice I was sent to the hospital. Dad taught at the college so I could hear a seminar about China and how great they were growing. If I shared that at school there were self appointed football players who enforced their world view by breaking my nose in the locker room.

News that the USA topples governments and installs puppets was either denied or accepted as might makes right. Then the children of US slaves followed a non violent King in a movement for freedom that could have made some of our founding fathers proud. I was proud for these Americans. When I said so I was called a nigger lover and sometimes a Jewish cocksucker despite the fact I was neither.

Viet Nam was front and center with mounting body counts at dinner time. And I loved my country so much I tried to tell people that there must be a better way. A house divided against itself will not stand. Love it or leave it people shouted back at give peace a chance people. We both loved America. I can't tell you how many friends died or disappeared. Even the shoe factory was gone. They said it went to Taiwan.

The love it or leave it people were broken. Their house could not stand the loss of their sons. They were betrayed and some blamed the protestors and some knew they were deceived but could never say it out loud lest their children would somehow die in vain the moment the truth passed their lips. They were silent and they were the majority.

Free white and 21, I joined the 60's party and party I did. Finally a man, I found an occupation to heal people. I was close enough to 3 mile island that I felt the sickening nausea in my head the night before it was announced. America was feeling proud again when Reagan finally won a war. It wasn't the big bomb war but a little one that rhymed with grenade. The CIA had no clue when the USSR downsized but Reagan got the credit by running up ours.

The unmentionable pain faded as the parents died in pain. The Gulf war was being sold to a new crew but with talk radio cheer leaders. I know that in a perpetual war no one will die in vain. Now I knew about imperialism. My country never had colonies like some empires but we hired yes men called the Shaw or el Presidente'. We rarely if ever obeyed our treaties. We were ready to try new weapons, uranium weapons from our used up rods that powered our nuclear tea kettles. I cried over the poisons that I know our country is eating and breathing because I love my country.

Commie, pinko, love it or leave it, unpatriotic, traitor, Hitler lover and appeaser, I am still called names like I was in the high school locker room. But I still love my country enough to speak out when we make the mistake of giving our lives to a military machine run by corporations that own the Congress and media.

When 2 million of us fill the streets of our Capitol and we are still invisible to the media we must try harder. When we win elections but lose the count we must try to love our country harder.
When the words freedom zone stands for barbed wire pens we must break out. When we truly love our country we may just learn to love the world and the world us.

I dream that a new Lincoln will speak to this country with an intelligent clarity. I dream that we will all have something to unite us. That we can all stand for a republic to do business as well as a democracy to help our people live and love our land.

I have but one cup of cool water to spill on the beach but if enough of us fill our glasses and march to the shore we may even be able to cool an ocean. Cool the ideologues, cool the defense contractors in their own neighborhoods and cool a religious fever that needs to break before we return to health.

Yes I love my country to the stars and stripes and back. Even when we attack, like a mother who loves a son who has done wrong, I know how much good there is inside.


As always donuel
Don Hakman Rockville
MD