I always took the view that I wanted to be bagged and burned and forgotten as quickly as possible.

I figured the time for people to say nice things about you and buy a drink would be when you are here to enjoy them.

However the large bosomed woman with the major league cleavage , mentioned in Sorcha's post, interests me greatly - perhaps I could book her now.

The last funeral I went to, was a Jewish one. All the men (except me, who feels inhibited about such things) took a turn at filling in the grave. Not sure what that all that was about, and we were all asked to wear hats. The service was in Hebrew. Strangely I never even knew the guy was Jewish until his son told me - religion not being high on our topics of conversation.

When you think about it, you don't really need a funeral these days. I mean if you think about Jesus, a real big hitter in this life - there is not even a photograph of him. Shakespeare - people regularly get on mudcat and say he never wrote a word, and anyway he never looked like that.

Nowadays there will be ample evidence of all of our existences - photos, films, recordings, phantasmal voices and messages floating round in cyberspace - things that can summoned up by anyone who is interested.

And theres the rub. Will anybody be interested? To be honest judging from the lack of intereest generated by my work this side of the grave - I really doubt it. And furthermore, would it be desirable for people to be looking at all the foolish things I did and said after, I 've gone? Because there they will be, preserved and sampled in digital reality, fresh as paint.

Now I see the point of those shovels at the Jewish funeral.