If you want a church funeral you go along with the mumbo jumbo. If that's what you think it is have a secular funeral.
The worst was at my Father-in -law's, at the crematorium. They were not religious, my mother-in-law was disabled and not able to sit without pain.
We had asked for something short and not religious, the man officiating seemed to think that 'short' meant 'all the usual words at twice the speed'.