Keep the child away from guitars, zithers, autoharps, fiddles, mandolins, bouzoukis, uilleann pipes, Great Highland pipes, hash pipes, border pipes, musettes, bombards, harps, bodhrans, and most especially, banjos. She should grow up fine, strong, and productive. Otherwise she might be lost forever.

Wonderful news, and please accept my congratulations on the birth of this formidable child. Please be careful, as these baby girls come at you with an amazing array of weapons designed to take control of every fibre of Grandpa's and Grandma's being. They are bent on control of the world around them, and take control of it with infectious smiles, giggles that will make you love the air they breathe, the prettiest bouncy hair that the Greatest ever made, all wrapped up in a deceptively beautiful little frame. Your life as you have known it is over, my friends. Prepare for a brave new world. Grandpa should be most prepared. His heretofore testosterone laden world of manliness will now be subjugated to the desires of this cute little vixen's desire that he have tea parties, wear cute little crowns, and playing with baby dolls. Never fear sir, you will actually come to love this, which of course means that you will no longer be considered a man's man. And you will be better for it, you lucky devil.

You will never know love better, than in the eyes of your grandchildren. Congratulations.

Mick