Clearly this original message was posted about five years ago, but hey, chutney tastes better if it is allowed to mature.
END OF ME OLD CIGAR is a classic - check Chas and Dave do it, totally brilliant. The lyrics are as follows:

Twenty Christmas eves ago, the landlord of The Star
Said, "Here's a Christmas box for you. Well, have a nice cigar."
I smoked it up to Easter, then me dear departed wife
Said "Why not throw the end away?" I said, "Not on your life.
It's the end of me old cigar, hurrah, hurrah, hurrah!"
I walk down Piccadilly and they think that I'm the Shah.
It ain't because I'm handsome, or I'm a lah-di-dah.
I tickled the ladies' fancy with the end of my old cigar.

Then there's a load of other equally classic verses but my bird is hassling me to give it a rest so that's your lot.