I, Donuel Robeson, may only be a lowly UN bathroom attendant but I knew that never before had a US President faced so many international threats while addressing the United Nations. Security was tighter than I had ever seen.

The President of Iran stated that he wanted to meet President Bush face to face. George said it wasn't going to happen. UN protocol experts assured everyone that no contact between the two presidents would occur and that a minimum of 2 hours would separate the speeches of the two presidents. Fox reporters have said that Amadijad was virtually stalking President Bush by asking to have a conversation with George W.

The differences between the two men are only highlighted by their commonalites. They both took power with the help of a religious conservative right wing base, they both believe in some form of End Times and they both share the same narrow distance between their eyes.

In the course of human events, no matter how momentous, nature calls.
As it did when at the urging of an impatient Amadijad the Iranian Presidential security detail pushed past two secret service agents outside the VIP men's room. Inside they confronted no fewer than eleven secret service agents cordoning off the urinals with the President of the United States peering over his shoulder like a deer in a Peterbuilt's headlights.

Amadijad had timed his arrival to the men's room poorly after all the coffee he had on the plane. He was already going for his zipper when his progress was unexpectedly blocked.

No one knows who said it but someone yelled gun. Perhaps it was the secret service agent who saw Amadijad reaching for something in his pocket. Since George's nickname among the secret service rest room detail is "derringer" It was even less likely that George was spotted reaching for anything menacing. But suddenly nearly a dozen guns were drawn and shouts in Farsi, Persian and English cacaphonicly echoed in the cavernous bathroom.

Whether it was out of rage or just being startled, the Iranian President let loose in a stream that showered several secret service agents. President Bush had a somewhat opposite effect but easily rectified with change of clothes that always accompanies the President along with the launch controls for thermonuclear war.

Maybe he was jostled but it is said that the Iranian President deliberately delivered a mortar trajectory that went over the shoulder of Officer Hammond, the chief of the bathroom security detail, and struck George squarely between the eyes which is one narrow target.

The stand off nearly petered out in direct proportion to Amadijan's diminishing stream, except that the screams of outrage so shrill it sounded like a woman caught the attention of everyone as President Bush clutched his eyes in anguish that looked more like agony.

With all the shouting, guns drawn and off safety, cooler heads had impossibly prevailed. There was of course a brief scuffle as George insisted upon the football, as they call the nuclear code briefcase, but was now completely smothered by his guards in case another frontal attack were to resume. Heads would eventually roll. Clothes would be tested for biological agents of mass destruction and secrecy oaths were signed by me and all the guards in the bathroom that day. They were broken within hours by the Iranian guards, much to the delight of Amadijan.

When it came time for the Iranian President to speak, the world was surprised to hear him make a conciliatory gesture regarding the Iranian nuclear fuel issue. If he were to have made that gesture without the brief encounter at the urinal we may never know, but it is safe to say George is still pissed.

So the next time you see George... look closely at his new facial tic. To me it sort of looks like he is wincing and wanting to wipe something from his eye that he can never quite get.