I learned someting from a friend's experience wiuth his daughter, that has held up well for me and for friends with their kids.

And that is, at some point in their preteen through young adult years, you cannot expect to see your values reflected in your relationship with your child or in their relationships with anyone in the home. From their home behavior, you will probably think they have either rejected ALL of your sound parental advice and expectations, or never heard it to begin with. In fact, they will most likely seem to be whoever you would most NOT like them to be, at least part of the time, in the family dynamic.

BUT-- if you can see, in their friendships with peers, a glimpse of what you tried to mold them towards, you can be pretty sure that they not only heard you, they do indeed have the values and wisdom you tried to impart. If you push them away, of course, you will not be given a chance to see this at work, at all. But the true proving ground is in their peer group during this time, not in their families. You will not see it in their family relationships until they test their values and beliefs out thoroughly with their peers.

And be glad this is true-- that's where they will also learn the value of rejecting any crap you inadvertently passed along to them in the moments when you weren't perfect! :~)

~Susan