Lox,

I step-mothered a girl in a situation a bit less severe than you describe, but very similar. Until I came on the scene when she was 10, she had a lot of mother-figures in her life to take up the slack from her mother.

You've gotten sound advice here. Your daughter needs you to be an advocate for her and to help her understand that her mother is sick and can't take good care of her right now. I would strongly suggest you get some professional supportive help for yourself as well, so you can maintain that focus and have a place to vent the feelings of rage and disappointment that will also be part of your view of the mother for a long time.

Also, my nephew has some things in common with your daughter, too. He learned at an early age, which adults could be relied upon and which were to be considered there for enjoyment, at best. As he said one day to his grandma-- as a preteen talking of his mother-- "We are dealing with unkown forces here."

Mudcat can be a place where you can focus on the positives with your daughter, too-- a place where you can shift your attention from the maddening aspects of dealing with her mother, and just pour out your heart about the wonderful miracle your daughter is. Don't forget to tell us all about her in the months and years ahead! :~)

~Susan