I see - so that is what is known down-under as a "slab". Do you think a slab of Coopers Sparkling Ale would do at a pinch? I might need several slabs if I decide to try this one for my next dinner party - takes 6 weeks all up:

Elephant Stew
           
1 Elephant
200 c Water
700 ts Salt
Pepper, to taste
650 (10 oz.) cans brown gravy
2 Rabbits (optional)

Remove tusks; wash well; cut into chunks - takes about 2 weeks.

Place meat in large kettles; season with salt and pepper. Cover with water and gravy. Cook over kerosene fire at 455 degrees for about 4 weeks, or until tender.

This amount should serve 3,800 people; however, if more guests are expected, you may add 2 rabbits the last hour of cooking, but do so only if necessary because most people do not like to find hare in their stew.