Famous anecdote of John Barrymore, who considered audience as at best a necessary evil. He loathed having them make any sound (except thunderous applause at the right places.)

There was a lot of flu going around one winter in New York, and Barrymore was performing in one of the Shakespear history plays. Lots of coughing, at various places in the audience.

At the beginning of a new act about half way through the play, Barrymore entered, wrapped in a voluminous cloak. The coughing resumed.

He opened his cloak and withdrew a large, fresh haddock, and with a sweep of his arm slung it out into the audience. "There! Chew on THAT for a while, you damned walruses!"

Beat that one, if you can!

Dave Oesterreich