Well, my head-scratching Santa stand-in, what have you been standing in? Perhaps it was long grass, and that is why I managed to miss your clues for nearly a week? Looking at some of the poetry on here, I'm sure poor old CCM must be whirling in his grave.

As to your clues, never having met in real life really does narrow it down a lot - I shouldn't have much trouble figuring out your identity from that.

I guess you're not a miner (nor a minor, nor yet A Minor) but there does seem to be some dirty work afoot. So there's no need to make promises of purity: that would be like coals to Newcastle, as the Purity Brewery is but 7 miles from my home and I can get their beer in many pubs in the area. Besides the cost of sending beer through the mail would be prohibitive.

I know Santa is supposed to reside at the North Pole, but would I be correct to think that you are usually further from it than I?