Christmas won't be torn asunder
from my sweet santee Down Under
Who likes being kept in stitches
with sweet scents and tales of witches
While serenaded with songs and chanteys
By sailors wearing goddess-sized thongs and panties
Bringing lobscouse cooked in crocks
Filled with many-coloured rocks
Sailing through nautical history
Reading books of sorcery and mystery

Never fear, Jenny dear
Let your Santa do his best
For may the holidays bring you happiness and health
And also to your Johnny, I wish the best

Sincerely,
Mr. Santa Claus, himself