Sad Ballad of the Norseman Who Wouldn't Drive
Well, Kristin and Raymond were lovers
Lord, how they put it forth,
They fell in love up in Norway
Way up in the frozen north
He was her manWell Kristen and Raymond got married
He wouldn't do her wrong
Out on the marryin' ground
In a little woodside chapel
Forty miles outside of Oslo town,He was her manShe told her man how she loved him,
He wouldn't do her wrong
In their little VW that night,
And he told her that he loved her too,
An' everything would be rightHe was her manWell, the ground it started to tremble
He wouldn't do her wrong
The tarmac started to shake
A giant form stepped out of the gloom,
And Raymond slammed on his brakesHe was her manWell, Raymond he could not explain it,
He wouldn't do her wrong
He couldn't think of a trick,
Was a big bull moose, and he had no excuse,
He just froze right up at the stick.He was her manWell the moose tramped right through the windsheild
He wouldn't do her wrong
Hotter than a thirty-eight
Well he stuck his nose into Kristin's clothes
And asked her for a date!He weren't her man!Now, Kristin she screamed and she fainted,
He was doing her wrong
And wet her brand new underwear,
And the moose just shrugged and got offa that bug,
He could see there weren't no action there!He weren't no manThe marriage broke up 'cuz of trauma,
He was built all wrong!
And Kristin turned nasty and terse,
And Raymond moans and cries all night
"Why didn't I hit reverse?!!"I was her man
But I did her wrong