Sad Ballad of the Norseman Who Wouldn't Drive

Well, Kristin and Raymond were lovers
Lord, how they put it forth,
They fell in love up in Norway
Way up in the frozen north
 

He was her man
He wouldn't do her wrong
 

Well Kristen and Raymond got married
Out on the marryin' ground
In a little woodside chapel
Forty miles outside of Oslo town,

He was her man
He wouldn't do her wrong
 

She told her man how she loved him,
In their little VW that night,
And he told her that he loved her too,
An' everything would be right

He was her man
He wouldn't do her wrong
 

Well, the ground it started to tremble
The tarmac started to shake
A giant form stepped out of the gloom,
And Raymond slammed on his brakes

He was her man
He wouldn't do her wrong
 

Well, Raymond he could not explain it,
He couldn't think of a trick,
Was a big bull moose, and he had no excuse,
He just froze right up at the stick.

He was her man
He wouldn't do her wrong
 

Well the moose tramped right  through the  windsheild
Hotter than a thirty-eight
Well he stuck his nose into Kristin's clothes
And asked her for a date!

He weren't  her man!
He was doing  her wrong
 

Now, Kristin she screamed and she fainted,
And wet her brand new underwear,
And the moose just shrugged and got offa that bug,
He could see there weren't no action there!

He weren't no man
He was built all  wrong!

The marriage broke up 'cuz of trauma,
And Kristin turned nasty and terse,
And Raymond moans and cries all night
"Why didn't I hit reverse?!!"

I was her man
But I did her  wrong