BlueJay,

I think you can give the world sons. They may be sons of the heart.

I have a step-daughter for whom I have been the primary mother-figure, from her preteens to her approaching HS graduation. (I had had a son, but had always wondered how I would pass on what I had gained as a woman.) I take great care to give the world a good daughter in her-- passing on any wisdom I have been lucky enough to grab onto, being thoughtful about what kind of woman she'll be in her time.

So I imagine that the desire for a son involves more for a man than merely leaving a mini-self behind-- often men get knocked for egoism when I don't think that's quite the thing operating. I imagine that there's a feeling of wanting to know that what you have won from life, specifically as a man, is passed down and not lost. Maybe this is why we are sometimes allowed to recognize our children of the heart as they pass through our hands. (Sometimes not, sometimes we fill that place for a child and don't even know it.) If you look at the BS/rant kat/katlaughing started today (she called it a rant), you'll see one small boy who needed a strong and steadfast man... and if you look, there is probably a small boy in your environs to soak up every good and manly thing you could share. There are even young men here at the 'Cat who may look to you in that capacity.

Until you can see yourself more clearly in your grandson, don't wait to be the man some young man needs to see. Even a slight bit of fatherly attention goes a long way-- you don't have to do-all, be-all. But be intentional with the boys you know. Spread your fathering around among them. Don't worry about the name. It's only a symbol, and your place in the world is far more concrete than that. Worry about the legend of your clan-- not just the blood clan but also those who simply look to you as clan leader.

Your friendmeaningtoencouragenotbossyouaround who is still learning howtopassonwhatsheknows

YEE-HAHH Men!

from a YEEE-HAHHH Woman!